Yellowstone and Grand Tetons (Spoiler alerts: Yellowstone has, well, lots of yellow stones [and some pink and red ones], and the Grand Tetons do not look like giant “teets.”)

The view from Avalanche Peak, Yellowstone.

These two National Parks were “top 5” destinations on our YOFO bucket list, so we were super excited to finally get there. Both parks met our high expectations, and we could easily see our way to visiting again. By no means did we exhaust all the hiking/biking/kayaking opportunities, so we’re pretty sure these two giants will be in the rotation for YOFO2. This is especially the case since we were disappointed to be unable to visit Waterton National Park (it’s Canadian eh?) and Glacier National Park (they’re really one park with a border across the middle). Waterton and Glacier were on fire so we drove through their smoke and passed them by. They had closed down their campgrounds, and most trails were off limits. The smoke was so thick you could not see anything on the horizon. No worries; it gives us an excuse to come back to this part of the country, not that we need one.

Old Faithful.  Right on time...give or take 20 minutes or so. — Old Faithful. Right on time...give or take 20 minutes or so.

First impressions of Yellowstone: it is yuuuge(!), it is crowded with visitors (even in the “off” season…if they have one), and it is amazing. When you combine it with its southern cuz, the Grand Tetons, it is an all-American must see. We only hiked in each park, if you don’t count the long hours driving to various trail heads, overlooks or other tourist attractions. We began our visit at Yellowstone with the mandatory stop at its signature geothermal attraction, Old Faithful and its surrounding geyser field. We were lucky enough to see several geysers erupt while we there. We saw Old Faithful erupt twice; you can’t set your watch to it, but it is reliable! We also saw Grand Geyser erupt. It launches hot water some 160 feet into the air, but only about every 12-13 hours. We checked in with the rangers at the Visitor Center and got some good tips on hiking trails. The best tip was to hike up to 10,568 foot Avalanche Peak; it was “short” at only 4 miles round trip, but included 2000+ feet of climbing. The views of Yellowstone Lake and the Athabasca Wilderness peaks were more than ample reward for the effort. Other hikes included a hike up Washburn Summit. Despite being one of the most popular trails at Yellowstone, we’re giving this one a “meh;” honestly the Avalanche Peak hike was far better. The Washburn Trail would get “meh (minus)”, except that we passed a small group of big horn sheep that had parked themselves just a few feet from the trail. Generally, you want to stay a bit farther from wild animals, but there was no going around, so we pushed on with our hike while whispering sweet and soothing things to them hoping they’d simply ignore us. They’re not dangerous or aggressive, but it’s always good policy to avoid alarming an animal with big effing horns on his head. Later that afternoon, Hellroaring Trail rated better. The terrain there was almost like the badlands, and we had views of the Hellroaring River as we hiked along it until it flowed into the Yellowstone River. We enjoyed a PBnJ at the confluence, and even took the opportunity to wade into the Yellowstone hoping our dawgs would stop barking a bit! Alas, the cold water only quieted them momentarily. A variety of anti-inflammatories continue to be a staple in the YOFO diet! On the trail back to the YOFOtruck we encountered a lone buffalo who decided our trail was his for the taking. Not being in a position to argue, we concurred and kept our distance as we made our way around him. We watched as he proceeded to take a “dust bath” in front of us, wallowing on his back and rolling from side to side in a large stomped to smithereens depression of sand. A few hundred yards on we whispered sweet nothings to some pronghorns as well, but unlike the big horn sheep they were not amused and scampered off.

Lower Falls. Inspiring place, boring name.

Did you know that Yellowstone has its own grand canyon? We didn’t. Needless to say, we found a trail to check out the south rim. At the start of the trail, Artists Point lived up to its billing with picturesque views of Lower Falls and almost inspired us to take up watercolors (kidding…we’ll leave that to Jerome’s talents). We carried on to the end of the trail, Sublime Point. We thought there were views between the two that were much more sublime, but it was a good way to start a waterfall-ish day. As in, we saw a few more – like Tower Falls. Fun waterfall names must not be a thing at Yellowstone (compare with Comet Falls in Mount Rainier, for example). One thing Yellowstone definitely has in abondanza – geothermal “stuff.” Geysers galore, hot springs, mud pots, fumaroles…everything to get your geological geek on. Between Mammoth Hot Springs (and the elk herd we say chilling on the lodge lawn) and Norris Geysers (geek alert: Mammoth is alkaline versus the more common acidic at Norris), there’s plenty to explore, especially if standing on top of a particular crust of earth that faces an “imminent” explosion in the next million years is your thang. At some point, we decided that the name “Yellowstone” lacks imagination (see spoiler in the title). Since a large swath of Yellowstone was blown to smithereens millions of years ago by an enormous volcano (that is still active today!), we would refer to it as the “Caldera of Doom National Park.” Feel free to start a change.org petition to get the park renamed, we don’t even need credit! The Caldera of Doom NP (sigh…aka Yellowstone) also has an abundance of wildlife. Sadly for us (and yet not), predators eluded us. We did not spot any grizzlies, black bears, or wolves…they were all in hiding for both this park and the Tetons (harrumph and nerts). Ah well, another reason to return.

Some young Big Horn Sheep barely took notice as we walked past on the Washburn Trail.

On to the Grand Tetons. Some explanation may be warranted based on the titular spoiler alert (Get it? That was a pun – in case you missed it). As the story goes, sometime in the 1800s some French trappers visited the area for an extended period. As they had not been around les dames for some time, they apparently began to view the beautiful mountains around them as giant boobs. Yep, Grand Tetons translates to “big nipples.” And there you have it. Happy to keep you abreast of this bit of trivia. At least the name has a little more to it than “Yellowstone,” which was literally named after the predominant color of the stone found there. So boring. Who wouldn’t want to hike up a giant boob!

We looked and looked, because they are beautiful, but we're still not sure they look like boobs.

Unfortunately, Mother Nature finally caught up with us in the Tetons. In the first three months of YOFOAdventures, we had not had a single day of adventure lost to rain. Our first day in the Grand Tetons was a rainout, which developed into snow that evening and into the next day. But we did our best to make up for the lost time by taking fantastic hikes. At the top of that list would be our hike up Cascade Canyon to Solitude Lake. At 18 miles, it was a long one, so we left at daybreak; hence, we saw almost no one on the trail until we arrived at the lake. The trees, canyon, and mountain peaks were still partially covered in the previous day’s snow, giving an almost magical quality to the views. We visited Inspiration Point on the way, which was a nice view, but I’m not sure it was worth going out of our way. I suppose that’s how you know you’ve been to a series of amazing places – when an iconic view called “Inspiration Point” at the country’s premier park leaves you uninspired. Solitude Lake, on the other hand, was beautiful. We had to hike behind the mountain range to get to it. The entire hike was inspiring and definitely makes our yet-to-be-compiled list of Top 10 Hikes.

Also in the worthy category was our next day’s hike up to Amphitheater Lake. Although the views were primarily of the valley until you got back into the location of the lake, it was still rather epic. A total of 10 miles roundtrip, it involved 3000 feet of climbing (and worse, descent). Hikes like this prove how invaluable our trekking poles have become!

We absolutely loved Giant Nipple’s National Park. All of the parks are so different that it’s difficult to rate them, but this one ranks as one of our favorite places so far. And we left some unfinished business. We wanted to do some road biking in the valley, and it would have been fun to kayak a 10-mile section of the Snake River. More reasons to return!

We wore pants. That's how you know it was cold.

Just before another buffalo took a dust bath. We are pretty sure we smell so bad that they needed to clear their nostrils.